Know yourself... Love Yourself
Updated: Jul 26, 2019
KNOW WHO YOU ARE... CLAIM YOUR WORTH
For a long time I doubted myself... Although I always came across as if I had my shit together, always putting a strong front, nothing hurt me, nothing could put me down, nothing could ever crush me... Meanwhile it was my way of asking for help, asking for a hug, for some love in return.
I lived my life believing that that is was the only way I could survive, that was the only way no one could ever hurt me... Little did I know, I was doing that all by myself. Constantly hiding behind everything, work, alcohol, sleepless nights, crazy sessions, and people I wanted to be loved by.
I thought I wasn't good enough... I thought that I was destined to be always "crazy Maria, the black sheep, the happy and angry party girl". Because I believed it so much, I took that role seriously, thinking that I could never become one of those women I so much admired to be.
Doubts always creeping in... Feeling like a failure... Feeling like I didn't deserve to be happy, needless to say live a live of joy and fulfillment... I made myself believe that this was it, I was destined to live in the shadows, trying to keep up with the legacy I had created for myself, this character that was strong by lonely, a fortress of non feelings.
I was scared of giving in and letting everyone know who I really was, what I really felt, I was scared to know who I was really capable of becoming, of BEING...
And when I finally did... I let my guard down, like a child in need of affection, like a the little girl I once was asking to be loved... For someone to see me for who I really was... My heart got crashed and torn, into a thousand pieces, shattered all over the Universe, far away from each other.
I believed him. I wanted once in my life to believe. I wanted so badly to be appreciated and loved because then I didn't know how to do it myself... I was in desperate need of approval.
He promised he'll never hurt me. He promised he'll never leave me. He promised that no matter what happened, he will always be there. So I finally open the vault which my heart was and I let all the emotions flow, I allowed myself to feel what I have never felt before, what I was desperately seeking for.
And I crushed... I crushed and burned... I burned into flames!
And just when I thought that the pain was going to be endless, that I will never get over it and be the same person I was... Something magical happened!
I seen the crack in the darkest thoughts... I seen an opportunity risen... I seen that Love was waiting for me to reach out and hug it... I SEEN MYSELF AGAIN.
I open my eyes from all the pain, the sorrow, the fear, to finally find myself in the other side, not who I was but who I truly wanted to be. I seen the opportunity to rise and become who I always wanted to be.
And it was absolutely beautiful... It was everything I ever dreamed of and more.
It was me finally embracing my strength, not being afraid of who I was, what I felt and what I wanted to become.
I felt FREE, for the first time in my life, I feel FREE.
FREE of judgment.
FREE feel of being needed.
FREE of needing.
FREE to do whatever I wanted.
FREE to finally be whoever I pleased.
FREE of finally not giving a fuck about rules.
FREE of knowing my worth.
FREE of speaking my truth.
FREE of LIVING the life I chose to live.
FREE of being ME!
Yeah, I might be a bit crazy, I might be stubborn, I might be too much for some people, I might have changed completely.
But who cares!
I chose to be who I want to be... It's up to me... With all my imperfections, with all my craziness, with my words, with my presence, with my strength, with my whole being.
I embrace who I chose to be.
I embrace my Life.
I embrace loving myself.
I embrace being the woman I always wanted to be!
LIVE YOUR PASSION!
LIVE YOUR LIFE!
In a world where everyone seeks perfection, be the crazy badass bitch that stands out being whoever you want to be!
Love, Light, BE,
Maria C. Krause.
Mindset & Business Coach. @therisingsoulpreneur podcast.