I dated a Narcissist and all I have to say, is Thank You!
Yes, I dated a narcissist... and I am not the only one, the first one or the last one who will...
Most blogs and articles you find about people who dated narcissist, will describe every little detail of their experience with that man or woman was...(Oh, yeah! Women can be narcissist too). This articles will describe how they felt into the narcissist trap and how hard was to get out of it...specially because after a while, you end turning into a narcissist too.
You might be thinking: "Woaahhhh, is she for fucking real? I dated a narcissist and I was the victim here, I am not like them?"... But please, really dig deep and have a 1:1 honest conversation with yourself (no judgement, just honest and from the heart). When you felt unloved and unwanted and that narcissist treated you like you didn't even exist; you and your ego...and of course your love towards him as well...is what kept you coming back over and over again; just to be mistreated and rejected and laughed at, over and over again. You thought that YOU and ONLY YOU, and your love for him will change him and become the man that you wanted him to be... and when that didn't happen you started blaming everything on him because unlike you, he had a label and "special condition", called narcissist.
How selfish to think like that...don't you think!! He was there because as much as I wanted him in my life, he did too... And as much as we try to blame and label someone so we can feel better about ourselves; we are as harmful and wounded as that narcissist that came into our lives... And YES, you are going to argue with me or hate me in silent or screams form wherever you are... But it takes two to tango; and both sides are equally responsible... And please, don't take this in a harsh way, we are humans, we have heart and feelings and emotions...And it's absolutely fine to go through all this....There's always light after the tunnel lovey!
I've been there Sister, I know the pain; the sleepless nights; the breathless cries; the constant self blame, going through that part over and over again to try to figure out what have I done wrong? What could I do to fix it? That pain, so intense that you just want to crawl up in a ball and hope I died... Yes, died! I wasn't wishing for the pain to go away, I was just wishing I would go away... So, YES SISTER, I have been there so I know exactly how hard it is and it's only until I've learned that the only way to stop that pain was...by telling my own ego to fuck off, and that it was time we started a healthy and stronger relationship with one another... I HAD ENOUGH!
No more self pity.
No more feeling like a victim.
No more waiting for someone else to tell me how amazing and beautiful I am.
No more waiting on him to realize what he had done, and specially what he had lost.
No more hoping that his best friend shook some sense on him, and make him see what he had done to me.
No more feeling like I was the one who had done something wrong.
No more feeling like my life didn't have a meaning if I wasn't with him.
No more, definitely, NO MORE fucking thinking and feeling he was the love of my life... 'Cuz he was NOT! Not even when things were great...which weren't that many.
So YES Sister, I have been there. I have walked those shoes. I have felt a pain that not ever in my 39 years young have I felt before.
And as crazy as it might sound to most women who have dated narcissist, and even to myself while I am finally ready to share this part of my life with the whole world...
I am and will be forever grateful that I had the chance to experience all this emotions in my life! It remind me that I was still human and that I was alive...although I wanted to crawl into a ball and die, I knew in my heart that this was meant to happen... And, NO, not because it was karma, because I have done some bad things in my life, it wasn't because of that... It was so that I, once and for all, build a loving and caring relationship with myself; so that I could rediscover my inner and outer beauty; so that I could such a strong confidence and belief in myself that no one will be able to tear it down, no matter how much of a professional narcissist they may be.
That narcissist was a blessing from the Universe! It was a sign for me to change my life around... I was 6 feet under, doing drugs, drinking way too much and going from one bad relationship into the next one; hoping that one this men will save me from myself.
The Universe sent me this narcissist at the moment I knew I wanted changes in my life... How crazy is that? There's this huge energy about manifesting things in your life when you are making changes and hoping for a better you and a better life... So, how fucked up you think I was feeling at the moment he arrived in my world?!
If you guessed, REAL fucked up... You are absolutely wrong! I was a point in my life that I was drawing boundaries, that I knew what I wanted and not wanted from myself and the men and people I wanted in my life. I wanted a friend, I wanted someone I could call at crazy hours when I had one drink or an extra line of whatever drug was available too many... I wanted him to hold me, hold my hair while I got insanely sick and tell me that everything was alright and I was still smoking hot and amazing and smart...although I might have been covered in tequila, mezcal and who knows what else! I was using him as much as he used me, I wanted to feel loved and wanted by someone else because I couldn't do that for myself!
So yes, as crazy as it sound Sister, I am grateful for having a narcissist in my life... Without this experience I would have never been able to step into my greatness and becoming the woman I always admired to be! I wouldn't have been able to love and respect myself the way I do now!
Thank you, thank you, thank you narcissist, for being the driving force that helped me turn my life around and through this experience find myself, my passion and my true purpose in life. I'll be forever and ever grateful, because now I know that my experience has inspired me and encouraged me to help women, like you, who are so desperately seeking for love somewhere else and forget that all the love you need is in within!
Love you all with all my heart,
Maria C. Krause
Transformational Mindset and Body Coach