My battle with depression and how I won!
I would like to share with you today my battle with depression. A very delicate topic, that for most people who are going through it, it's hard to express and admit to themselves, in fear of being judge or alienated.
I had been battling depression for about 2 years until I finally took the courage to admit it to myself. I was living in an environment where there were constantly parties and it seemed like everyone was happy and enjoying themselves... As the years and my process healing begun, I realized that what we were all doing, wasn't all laughs and joy, it was actually a way to escape from ourselves and our reality.
I remember feeling like an outcast, I no longer wanted to join those parties, the late night drinking and the drugs and conversations that were part of all this madness. But for everyone who was still involved, I was being the party crasher, the one who changed and was no longer the cool Maria that everyone knew me as.
I was tired of it. I was falling into a hole deeper and deeper every day and I was finding it so hard to get out; and although a part of me fought with the thoughts of going back to be the "cool Maria", my soul wasn't in it anymore; I wanted something more for myself and from my life.
So, step by step, like being a child again, I started my journey to rediscover myself and love myself again. And I must admit, that process was lonely and slow; I wanted a quick fix, like I did when I was part of those crazy late nights even days parties. But, it's not like that, quick fix doesn't exist when you are trying to replace old beliefs and habits, and also friendships.
As taboo and scary as it could feel for most people, I had to seek outside help, I started seeing a counselor. And I have to admit, the first didn't work, and not because she wasn't good enough, it was because I wasn't ready for changes.
Until I finally hit rock bottom, I had to get out of the abusing relationship I was in, with him and with myself; and I started my own process of healing.
I started by alienating myself, and going back to my roots; doing the things I use to do as a child that made me so happy and fulfilled. I started playing sports again, as a teenager I was involved in every sport and team, and I was damn good at it, my team and I even won a National tournament in handball. I started practicing yoga, reading, writing, everything that use to make me feel happy and would help me canalize my frustration and anger.
Now, I can finally share with you, that I have finally found myself and I love myself more than I have ever done before.
I have made it my mission in life to be able to help other women through this process, because I know how hard it is, and that is impossible to do it alone.And it's something that no one should be ashamed of, both going through depression nor reaching out for help; sometimes a stranger who has been in your shoes, could be the most helpful soul you'll need in your journey.
I am proud of everything I've been through and I embrace it as a positive experience which has helped me to find my passion and become a Transformational Mindset and Body Coach, to be able to help women all over the world to overcome this feeling of loneliness and alienation.
I love you Sunshines...and remember that after every storm, the sun it's always there and it will shine!
Maria C. Krause
Transformational Mindset and Body Coach.
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