I use to think that being STRONG was a curse.
As long as I can remember I always used to think that being STRONG was a curse, was something bad. Every time someone would tell me I was strong, I would get angry and I would feel ashamed, I thought there was something wrong with me.
I always been a person that spoke what was her heart wanted. I was always very honest. And I was always standing up for what I believed and for what I wanted in life. I thought that was a normal thing to do, I thought everyone I knew should do that...Until I heard those words: "AH, IT'S EASY FOR YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE STRONG". For what I experienced in life, apparently it was easier for me to get through the storms, the tsunamies, the shit times, because I was STRONG. So I start believing that was a bad thing, that I was in some way insensitive and I lacked of emotions and compassion for what other people was going through. I felt I was turning into ICE. And that no matter what happened to me, because I was this strong person, I had no feelings like the rest of the world.
I even made myself believe that maybe I didn't really have a heart, just because I was STRONG. I didn't know how to cry, how to feel sorry for someone else, how to help someone who was going through a rough time.
For those one who don't know my story, I grew up in a family where LOVE meant abuse. The more you fought and tear each other down, the more you cared about that person. FUCKED UP, isn't it? So I had no other choice than become STRONG. It was my only and unique shield to survive. So as I got older I became stronger and stronger. Although I would break in tears when I was all alone in my room, I wouldn't let anyone else see it, because in my eyes, that was a sign of weakeness... Come the fuck on Maria, YOU ARE NOT VULNERABLE, YOU ARE STRONG!
So there I went in life, always carrying this shield, always acting like nothing hurt me nor bother me; but deep inside I was falling apart, I was growing angrier and angrier every day, and found any excuse or human being along my way to release that anger on....No matter how great my life was going, there was always someone or something I could revert my anger to.
Have you ever felt this way? That when everything goes amazingly, suddenly you find something or someone that you fucking hate with passion?
It's time to let it go... let go of your past...let go of old feelings...let go of the life you lived, the life you know. IT'S TIME TO MOVE THE FUCK ON!
Being strong is not about NOT showing who you truly are. It's not about NOT being vulnerable. It's not about NOT be able to cry in front of someone. It's NOT about pretending your shit don't stink.
Being STRONG is the completely opposite. It's been able to admit how you feel. Being able to relate to someone's pain. To be able to gather yourself up and keep going, no matter what. It's being able to cry and let it all out. And it's being able to admit to yourself that you are only human, and that pain is growth.
BE STRONG. BE POWERFUL. BE YOU IN ALL ITS SPLENDOR AND TRUTH!
STRONG is the best fucking thing to be as long as you are being YOU!